It just hit while I was playing game at the computer terminal. I should have seen it coming. But mum just sneaked up behind and gave me the entire guilt trip and all, telling me how tough it is for her at work and how she expected me to be disciplined enough to find something to do while waiting for graduation and employment.
While it saddened me that it has finally come, the nagging of concerned parents over their children's future, I have a lot of burden on me, the weight of the future balanced precariously on these two young shoulders of mine. Sure I have had overseas working experience, and have interned at a renowned MNC during my undergrad days. But the uncertainty of the future is always full of nasty surprises, with disappointments waiting at every corner. It's the part I hate most, competition for the ideal job. Competing with people you know, and competing, just the mere thought, for something. Someone ending up with nothing. Seeing people get let down, seeing someone gloat over their good fortune.
Life can be so cruel at times. I know she is trying to slap reality in as gently as she can already. I should understand. I should see it coming. After hearing my friends talk about it. But when it comes, it really does paralyze you for a while, when you think about what can happen in the near future.
I love my mum, and I don't want her to continue working at the shithole she is in. I have to do what it takes to support the family, and fulfill my duties as a functional member of the household. I must not disappoint. The road ahead can be unpaved. It can be rough. It can be dry.
But it must not be avoided.
