My dad, the self-proclaimed alpha male, the king of the jungle. Really? Why then, did his fall come so suddenly, in the form of dengue fever? A few weeks back, shortly after I bought him a bottle of Nature’s Farm™ Vitamin B (before I even knew what multi-vit’s were) for his 51st B’day, he had suffered from a serious case of fever. That was only after a day or so of consumption of the Vitamin B tablets. He had a tooth extracted the unorthodox way and that may have provided the site of entry for bacteria.
Quite worrying to see that giant of massive proportion lying in bed, a shade paler than his usual self. That day I saw a side of my dad which I have never seen for a long time. That gave us room to bridge the gap between us. I had a chance to spend time alone with him, when he was at his weakest.
Again, that acute fear of mortality. What if the person you cared about most were to leave you the next day, without making up for all of the misunderstanding between both of you? He was by my side when I was most vulnerable. And so was I. That day on, we are more on talking terms. His indefatigable spirit applied to (read: wasted on) his job makes me sad. Time and space, as my wing sergeant major from camp would say. I have been given an opportunity to crawl out of this Rat Race, where the more capable you are, the more expectations will rise but not necessarily the wages nor the security.
Watching the man regurgitate everything he ate, and drank, back into the sink triggered a sense of compassion from within. Something which I hadn’t felt for him for some time. And all the while he had been thinking of returning to work, worrying that things will be hay wiring in his absence. So much distrust for his sub-ordinates. It made me feel that today is such that the higher your pay, the more you have at stake, simple as that.
That day was to be the day I forgave my old man for all that he had done, and now I am looking out for hand phone upgrades for him. It took me the feeling of almost being afraid of losing him before we sorted out our differences.
It also shook me (“As a mad man shakes a dead geranium” - Eliot) awake. If one source of income does get crippled: it is in the yellow zone, there is going to be too much for my mother to take. I will find a logical way out of this.
